


how...did you tell your friends

by sburbanite



Series: Choose your own Epilogue [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Act 7, Awkwardness, Coming Out, Dave being Dave, Illustrated, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Sburb/Sgrub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-02 20:45:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6581491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sburbanite/pseuds/sburbanite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Unfortunately, you don't fancy your brother's suggestion on how to break the news to John...<br/>There's no other way out of it, you're going to have to <em>just tell him</em>.</p>
<p>*Now with gorgeous art by the wonderful <a href="http://polyglotplatypus.tumblr.com/">Polyglotplatypus!</a>*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to see this conversation, so here we go.

"Do you honestly think he hasn't figured it out by now?" 

Karkat looks pointedly at Egbert, who's talking animatedly to Roxy on the other side of the clearing. With the light filtering prettily through the leaves, they look a picture of heterosexual bliss. It’s the final shot of dozens of Karkat’s terrible Rom-coms, a textbook “happily ever after” pose with the couple giggling contentedly at each other’s jokes. Knowing those two they’re probably dirty jokes, shit you’d never say in polite company, but somehow that’s even more perfect. You want that. You want to sit with Karkat’s head in your lap and talk about bullshit until the sun sets, but you can’t because you’re a fucking coward. 

It's been a week since the dust of creation finally settled over your new paradise, and you still haven't had 'the talk' with John. The 'I like dudes as well as ladies, and that information is kinda pretty relevant since I've been dating Karkat over a year' talk. A part of you wishes Egbert had the social skills to put two and two together and come up with the bright-red number four that's been under his nose this whole time, but he obviously hasn't. Even though you practically haven't let Karkat out of your sight for the whole time you've been here, he just. Doesn't. Get it. 

"Are you kidding me?" You reply, flopping backward in a show of frustration. "Unless we start making out right in front of him, he's not gonna notice a damn thing. He honest to God gave me a noogie yesterday and was all: 

'Jimeny jillikers, Dave! It's great that you and Karkat are such awesome pals! I'm sorry I've been spending so much time with Roxy, but I'll come hang out with you guys soon and we can have a bropalfriendfest and build a pillow fort' or some equally dumb charming bullshit." 

You sigh, brushing your fringe out of your eyes and wondering how long the stupid victory message is going to be branded onto the sky. 

"I have no idea how he'd feel if he knew what kind of shenanigans usually go down in one of our pillow forts, but I sincerely doubt he'd want to join in." 

Karkat wrinkles his nose, a sure-fire sign that you're being an idiot. Warmth spreads comfortably through your chest as he carefully lies down next to you, his fingers finding the hand that's out of John's sight, trapped between your bodies. Even that small touch is enough to still the fluttering in your stomach, and you wonder how you ever got it so good. Karkat knows you inside and out, and even though you're a generous 40% asshole (minimum) he still takes your pain and worry away as if he can't get enough of it. As if he can draw it all out of you somehow until you're left shiny and clean. 

"Dave, relax. It's John, for fuck's sake. You know, the kid you've been best friends with for six of your human years?" 

You snort, becuse he only describes things as "human" this or "human" that to make you laugh. Stupid adorable alien. 

"He cares about you; he's not going to fucking cast you out into the wilderness just because you're dating a guy. A guy who happens to be one of his good friends, at that. If he says anything more idiotic than usual, I'll kick his ass so hard he'll still be standing up on his deathbed." 

Real, full laughter bubbles up in your chest this time at the image of John walking around with severe ass-pain for the uncertain remainder of his lifespan. None of you know how long you'll live, but you figure it's not a concern for now. When you arrived on Earth Karkat was worrying his nubs off about being the first to kick the bucket (your words, and not an effective way to make light of things, as it turned out), until you reminded him that Jane had revived an entire planet's worth of life. Keeping one troll alive for as long as he wanted would be a piece of cake. Literally, in Jane's case. All of you are going to get very fat if she continues working out her emotional issues with baked goods. 

As much as you want to let it out, your laugh is silent, the way it was before you spent three years practically living in the lap of six other people. The meteor changed you, and that's half of the problem. You're not sure the Dave that John spent his childhood years chatting to even _exists_ anymore. Karkat squeezes your hand gently; he knows exactly what you're worried about. You tell him everything these days, like a constant emotional bulletin (this just in: Dave is feeling insecure about his scars again and will be wearing long sleeves for the foreseeable future even though it's hot as balls right now), so that he doesn't worry that you're bottling things up. Karkat worries a lot, and you owe it to him not to add to the pile. How the fuck you lived without him is a puzzle, although you think you solved it a while ago when he was wrapped around you like a sleeping koala: you didn't. Not really. 

“I guess.” 

You don’t sound confident. You’re not confident. John knew you when you were a confused little kid who fronted so hard there was practically nothing left behind the bluster. At thirteen, shoving your emotions into an ironically-gift-wrapped box had been a survival tactic. You told yourself you were tough, when in reality you were just scared out of your fucking mind. Dropping your guard enough to get close to Karkat had been harder than fighting a thousand ruby giclopses. Giclopi? Whatever, it’s probably not important. That pretty box had been dragged out from whatever cranny of your mind it had been lurking in, and you’d taken hold of the metaphorical red ribbon and _pulled_. You’d won, in the end. You’d beaten your demons back until they were nothing but a soft, omnipresent murmur in the back of your mind. You’re a semi-competent human being now, and proud of it. But you’re not the same human being that John used to bro out with back when he still thought Con-Air was the pinnacle of human cinema. 

“Dave. Stop worrying.” Karkat’s voice cuts through your thoughts. He’s so good at that. 

“You’ll be fine. He’ll be fine with it; you know he hasn’t given Rose any shit about being with Kanaya. He’s been a perfect little Earth-gentleman toward everyone, in a comically blundering Egbert sort of way.” 

It’s not the same, and you don’t know how to explain it to Karkat even though he’s got a pretty good handle on how human friendships work these days. John made Rose and Kanaya bunches of flowers with “Congratulations on the Sex” written on both cards, and you sure as hell don’t want to get one of those. Your inner voices scream that you wouldn’t anyway. You don’t think John will be all that amused. 

“OK, fine, you’ve convinced me,” you lie. “I’ll do it as soon as Roxy leaves, alright? Just rip the rainbow band-aid right off.” 

Karkat frowns as you sit up, curling forward so you can support your arms on your knees. 

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Take as much time as you need. I know it’s a big deal, even if I don’t understand any of it. I’m not a complete asshole, Strider.” 

He elbows you gently in the side, softly reminding you of how far you’ve come. Once, that was all the physical contact you could bear to exchange, little bro-touches that couldn’t be misinterpreted. You knew there was nobody watching you, nobody to get the wrong idea, and in the end Karkat had grabbed firmly onto the wrong end of the stick with both hands anyway. Except it wasn’t the wrong end at all, and when hiding from him had made you feel like you were suffocating inside a soundproof glass box, you realized he was your _oxygen_. You’re through all of that now, past the sweaty palms and constant anxiety, and you’re so fucking glad. 

Your current problem is stressful for different reasons because you know not being able to act like a couple is draining away Karkat’s hope for the future. It’s hurting him, and you’re supposed to keep him safe forever. 

“Nah, I’m not ready, but I gotta do it now. I’m done with pretending to be someone I’m not.” 

Karkat’s smile melts you from the inside out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No talking to John just yet...we'll save it for the last chapter. Instead, you get gratuitous flashbacks.  
> Enjoy! ;)
> 
> the terrible pic of a sunset is one of my arts...

It turns out it’s difficult to catch someone’s eye from behind a pair of aviators. Removing them isn’t an option with the sunlight flaring off the too-green grass and too blue-sky directly into your retinas. That’s your excuse, anyway, even if the truth is that you don’t feel comfortable enough around all of these brand-new parent-teens to completely drop your armor. Baby steps, all of that crap.

Waiting for Roxy to leave is excruciating. You almost wish you’d brought a book, like Karkat did, because he seems perfectly happy to just lie back and wait. The sun is warm on your skin, what little is exposed, and you could almost be happy if not for the pressure building in your chest. This sucks, and you know that the fact that John is as straight and square as the former state of Colorado isn’t going to be the only problem when it comes to telling him.

John is probably the last to know. The last one that counts, anyway.

You know he’s gonna be hurt by that.

The new kids were easy. After the pulling-teeth sensation of your first conversation with Dirk, you’d found you had more in common than you’d ever thought possible. In the game of psychological-trauma poker, your hand only beat his by the slimmest margin. It felt good to know that he wasn’t the impenetrable wall of douchebag that you’d feared he’d be. Dirk had tried so hard to be open, to be earnest, that you couldn’t help yourself. You’d fallen in step with him in every way, into an instinctive, comfortable broship that was closer than it had any right to be. Maybe it was a stupid idea to let him in so quickly, but from nowhere here was a brother who seemed to crave attention from you like a drowning man needed air. Even better than that, he was somehow _the same brother you’d lost_. It was fucked up how happy that made you, but you didn't care. Dirk was trying, you were trying. There was a decent chance it'd all be OK.

Aside from having to chop his fucking head off, of course. That’s going to give you nightmares for quite some time. You shiver, even in the sunlight of your little slice of heaven, as you feel the ghost of Dirk’s severed head resting in your hands, the slickness of his blood on your fingertips. With all of the PTSD swirling beneath the surface of your group, Rose’s therapy calendar is going to be packed for the next ten years.

Nonetheless, telling Dirk about Karkat had been a thing that just sort of happened once the dam of emotion inside you broke. Once you’ve accused a guy’s alt-universe self of years of child abuse and he’s awkwardly dropped his own gay relationship into the conversation apropos of nothing, admitting you’ve got an alien boyfriend really isn’t that hard. And besides, Dirk didn’t care who you macked on. He was happy as long as you were happy.

Boy was it ever going to take a long time to get used to that concept.

He’d been there when you told Roxy, at the third night PG (post game) StriLondes-only BBQ. Rose had insisted you all bond as a 'family' and had packed the Trolls off to have a fancy dinner with the Mayor and his new lady friend. In mock-retaliation for the slight of being excluded, The CrocBertHarLishes had set up something similar on the other side of the small lake, close enough for the whole buck-toothed little family to wave enthusiastically at you while you sat around and ate cheeseburgers. Jake had tried to communicate something by semaphore for a good ten minutes before he realized nobody knew what the hell he was getting at, although you’d got a decent video of his increasingly emphatic arm waving.

You’d nudged Dirk and asked if it was the mating dance of the lesser-spotted English, which had turned him bright red and set Roxy’s gossip radar pinging. She’d sashayed over with a shit-eating grin on her face and sat down next to you, her eyes dancing with mischief.

“Soooooooo, Dave…a little birdie tells me you’ve been keepin secrets from your dear old mom.”

Roxy’s smile was disarming as fuck, and you knew the exact identity of that “little bird” because she was sniggering quietly into her glass of punch.

“Srsly though, Dave. If you wanna tell me shit then tha’s cool, but don’t feel like ya have to. I jus wanted to come over and bond w my new 'son' for a bit. I feel like I’m hoggin all the mom feels hanging out with just Rose.”

You’d laughed because this teenage girl was calling herself your mom, and you sorta liked it. A lot. It was dumb and impossible, but fuck if it wasn’t true. Whether it was the sunset or Roxy’s smile or the fact you knew that John and Jade were safely out of earshot that gave you the confidence to do it, you couldn’t say. All you knew was that warmth was singing through the cold interior of your Strider soul, and for the first time since your sneakers touched the Earth again, you’d felt safe.

“I…uh.”

You swallowed, paused, and felt Dirk’s hand on your shoulder.

“We can do the lightning round again if you want, If you promise to actually answer this time.” She'd said it with a wink, and you’d found yourself smiling.

“Sure.”

“Okay, great! So…have you ever kissed anyone?”

"Wow Lalonde, you don’t pull any punches, huh?”

“Nope.” Roxy grinned before showing off a bicep. "I'm a bamf, Dave. Esp when it comes to gossip."

“Fine." You weren't getting out of it, then. "Yes.”

She’d squealed with delight, and Rose had choked on brightly coloured fruit juice.

Suddenly, dragging it out in an ever tightening spiral of girlish giggling just seemed really fucking…gay. The irony of it was delicious.

“Look, man...mom...Roxy, this is stupid,” You forced yourself to stop compulsively tapping a beat out on your leg. “I might as well just say it, OK? Karkat. It was Karkat. We like to kiss and are in love, alright?" You'd looked into her beaming face, trying to meet her smile with one of your own. "I remember how ruthless you are, I know that was gonna be your next question.”

Your face was practically glowing, but it was worth it to see the pride on Rose’s. You could have done without the double-thumbs-up, though.

 

Later, when you were canoe-jousting with John in the centre of the lake, you'd made sure to drag Rose under the water in a move that had lost the Strilondes the battle. It was worth it, even if the Crockerberts had decided to officially name the lake "The Snark Tank".

Now, in the present, the shade is deepening under the trees and Roxy is still curled up next to John. Laughter seems to have given way to quiet conversation interspersed with nervous stolen glances, and you can’t bring yourself to interrupt. The wait is killing you, but the way John is looking at her is kind of worth it, because you can tell Roxy is the only person in his world right now. They're holding hands, for fuck's sake. It's cute as shit.

Instead of ruining their moment, you delve back into your bank of 'coming out' experiences. Not all of your conversations have gone as smoothly as the one with your new, wonderful, gay-ass family.

You left the task of discreetly filling in Jane and Jake up to Roxy, because you don’t know them very well yet and you didn't really give two shits if they approved or not. As long as they didn’t blab to John about it, it was a weight off your mind.

Jade, on the other hand, had been a complete and utter three-lane pile up of a fucktastrophe.

It was your fault, really, because you forgot to lock the goddamned door. The apartment you share with Dirk is in the penthouse of one of the prestigious south-facing cans (insofar as a cylinder can face in any direction), but you hadn’t heard Jade coming. Most people walk everywhere because the exercise is nice and otherwise it’s kinda unfair to those who can’t fly. Karkat keeps harrumphing at you when you cheat to reach something up high, although he hasn’t been complaining about the galaxy of glow-in-the dark stars you glued to your ceiling; constellations from Earth and Alternia mingling above you at night. Jade, on the other hand, spent her childhood zooming around her own private dreamscape and has since spent three years alone on a battleship without anyone to grumble at her.

So you didn’t hear her climbing the metal stairs to your apartment door, and, of course, she grew up alone on an uninhabited island. She didn’t know she was supposed to knock.

She’d barrelled in like a puppy to find you sucking Karkat’s face, with both of his hands jammed down the back of your jeans and yours shoved up under his shirt, which is not the way you’d wanted to break the news that you’re more than a little bisexual these days. Not to mention spoken for. Karkat had screeched loud enough to damn-near blow out your eardrum, and Jade had slammed the door with her on the other side of it faster than you could say “Oh Shit.”

Karkat had yelled after her, and you’d almost been tempted to freeze time to keep her from getting too far. In the end, you shot into the sky and followed the trail of broken branches and startled birds. When you found her, she was sitting alone on an island in the middle of a lake, as yet unnamed, skimming stones out across the ruffled surface of the water.

“Jade?”

Approaching her was difficult, but not as hard as watching the tears rolling down her face.

“Dave,” she’d sobbed, “I’m so sorry! I’m sorry I walked in on you and I’m sorry I ran, and I’m sorry I’m crying like a stupid fucking idiot!”

You'd sat down beside her, not sure if you should put an arm around her or not. Fortunately, she grabbed you around the waist before you could even open your mouth.

“Jade,” you'd felt useless. Impotent. What were you supposed to say?

“I shouldn’t be crying, I should be happy for you and, hhk, Karkat, I’m so, so sorry!”

“Jade, It’s OK.”

“No it’s not, Dave! I'm being such a jerk! …Why can’t I stop?”

You'd rubbed her back for a while, waiting for the sobs to pass and trying to access the part of your brain that used to be Davesprite, and then briefly Davepeta. The memory of being with Jade was in there, sort of, behind a hazy wall and isolated from your own feelings. Mostly isolated. Kissing her in deep space seems to have been a thing you did, once upon a lifetime, but it’s a tiny echo of what you have with Karkat. A candle next to a raging inferno. Maybe for Jade, who’s spent the last three years of her life alone in the darkness, it’s all she has.

“You’re just sad, I guess,” you’d blurted out without thinking.

It seemed to help, though. Her breathing had calmed a little, at least. Continuing along that line of thought didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

“It’s, like, OK to be sad, Jade. You’ve had it rougher than most of us; I know you’ve been alone for a long-ass time. And...I missed you so much.”

She’d nodded, sniffed, and finally sat up.

“I missed you too,” she’d said, smiling weakly even as she wiped her nose on her sleeve. “I missed all of you, and I just...you’re special to me, Dave. That’s all.”

Goddamn it, that had hurt, sharp and hot like a katana to the chest. Jade was special to you too, but you only had the ghost of a memory of being in love with her.

“I’ll be fine,” she’d said, obviously noticing the pain on your face. “Don't worry, Dave! I will, I promise, it was just a…surprise, that’s all!”

She’d tilted your chin up so that you had no choice but to look at her. Unbelievably, there was laughter in her eyes again.

“Trust me, I want to know all the details! Especially since Karkat is such a prickly pear…just maybe not for a while. When I’m feeling a better I’d love to hear all of the results of your xenobiological experimentation!”

Her giggle was a little forced, but you’d taken it and spent an hour skipping stones while she told you all about her expeditions into the untamed wilds with her Grandpa/Grandson/Penpal. They got on just as well as she’d hoped they would, and you were so fucking happy for her.

At least she wasn’t alone anymore.

 

The shadows are long in the clearing by the time that Karkat nudges you out of your reverie, closing his book and squeezing your shoulder as he heads into the trees. The little look he gives you is "good luck" and "I love you" all mixed together, with a dash of "don't panic" thrown in for good measure.

He jogs a little to catch up to Roxy, and you hear the rumbling whine of his voice as he recedes into the distance. It’s nice of him to make an effort with your family. Your boyfriend is literally the best boyfriend in the world.

John is headed straight for you, smiling his big, goofy grin, so you figure it’s time to face the music.

You hope it isn’t the funeral march for your friendship, although you know that’s totally unfair. Who are you to judge John, after all? You were just kids when you knew him, back when you were so close you'd told each other everything. Or as much as you could bear to tell him, at least. Those three years apart sit heavily on your shoulders as he practically skips across the clearing.

It’s time for him to get to know you again, you guess. Here goes nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Headcanons: 
> 
> Roxy talks exactly the way she types because she's never really talked to that many people irl. It's force of habit. :)
> 
> Jade doesn't have any manners because there was nobody to teach her them. Plus she's part doggie so you don't want to watch her eat...it's an experience ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who added a chapter??

It’s weird, being this physically close to John after so many years of chatting over the internet. He’s a little shorter than you, though not by much, and his voice is deeper than you remember from voice chat. Probably because he’s a grown teen now, almost an adult, just like you. Since sitting down next to you with a cheerful little “Hey, Dave!”, he hasn’t really said anything, and you wonder if it’s because he can’t think of anything to say. Maybe he’s expecting you to make the first move.

“Look,” He exclaims, pointing at a space between two of the larger trees, “It’s Serenity! And her new friends, I guess.”

The fireflies are dancing lazily in the shadows, their tails flashing intermittently. It’s like something out of a dream or a cheesy Disney movie. You’re sorry Karkat missed seeing them. You kind of wish he was here right now, although you're pretty sure it's a breach of proper 'coming out' protocol to do it with your boyfriend tenderly holding your hand. You clear your throat, because this conversation isn’t going to start itself.

“How can you recognise that one particular firefly, man? Is she blinking morse code at you or something?”

“Oh…I don’t know,” he says, grinning. “It was just a silly idea. She’s probably with the Mayor guy, I guess.”

“Cool,” you reply, kicking yourself. He’s just trying to make conversation and you’re fucking it up as usual. Breathe, relax, try again.

“So, John, I gotta ask you something. Something important.”

You put on your best serious-face. Strider serious-faces are legendary, only trumped by Lalonde examples.

“Well, ask it then.” His smile widens, his eyes shining behind the dorky glasses. Fuck, you’ve missed this idiot so much.

“What exactly are your intentions toward my darling mother?” You ask, voice grave and brows furrowed. You lean in close and stare at him over the top of your shades.

“I better not hear you’ve been trying to make a dishonest woman outta her, Egbert. You don’t wanna start a family feud that could last a thousand years because you were too lazy to use protection.”

Dang, John always did have the loudest laugh. It sounds like a donkey having a seizure, but you don’t care. You’re laughing too, after all.

“Shut up, Dave.” John punches you lightly on the arm. “You know Roxy would slap your shades right off your face if she heard you talking like that! Do you honestly think she can’t take care of herself? She killed fish Hitler, dude.”

You suppress your own laugh, trying to do right by the bro code, because John is flushing bright red.

“I know, man. I’m just riding you a little. Gotta find out if you’re made of the right stuff if you’re gonna be my new Dad.”

“You know, Dave, technically I’m already a Dad.” He smiles, most likely thinking back to his reunion/first meeting with CrockerDad (or ‘Phil’, as he prefers to be called).

“Sort of…I think. All of this ectobiology shit is so confusing! Anyway, I think he turned out pretty great, so you’d obviously be lucky to have me as a Stepdad. I’ll have to send you to your room if you give me any more back-talk, though, young man.”

You grin, and ruffle his stupid, adorable hair.

“You’re younger than me, bro. I’m pretty sure that means you’re not my real Dad.”

This time, when the silence creeps back in, it’s comfortable. Ice broken? Check. Now you just need to get to the fucking point. John seems to be aware that something is up, though, because he starts the conversation for you. You guess it’s a pretty clear sign that you’re worried if you’re reduced to just sitting there silently.

“So, Dave. What sort of antics did you get up to while I spent literally years watching feathery-orange-you making out with my sister? I mean, it must have been a hell of a lot more fun on the meteor than on our lame battleship.” He pauses, looking at you a little more intensely than you’d like. “You had the trolls with you, so that must have been cool.”

Easy does it. This is perfect; he’s giving you just the opportunity you need. You wonder if Roxy or Rose gave him any prompts, any suggestions for conversation topics. If they did then you guess you’re grateful, even if it’s stupidly embarrassing.

“Uh.” You scratch your head, wondering where to start.

“I mean, the meteor was pretty boring at first, I guess. There was a hell of a lot of time and not a whole lot to do…but yeah, it was pretty awesome hanging out with the trolls. Didn’t see a lot of TZ and Vriska, to be honest, they did a lot of role-playing and shit, so there were usually fucking swords and nooses and pirate hats lying around all over the place.”

You swallow, trying to get rid of the cotton-dryness filling your mouth.

“And Rose and Kanaya discovered pretty early on that they were both into books and knitting and, like, each other’s tongues, so I guess I ended up spending a lot of time with Karkat and the Mayor…we built a sweet can town, although it was much smaller than this one. Y’know, made out of actual cans rather than ones Jade supersized with her space-y powers.”

Deep breaths, Dave. John is nodding along, but there’s a look in his eye like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. He must know you’ve got something on your mind from the way you’re clenching your fists. You can’t even stop yourself.

“That sounds cool.”

“Yeah, it was. And, uh, Karkat had packed his entire sylladex with shitty movies and disturbingly graphic troll romance novels for some reason, so that was a pretty fertile source of entertainment. I learned more about the fucking quadrants than I ever wanted to, believe me.”

John’s just nodding and sort of half-smiling now. You wish you knew what he was thinking.

“He’s…like…the nicest guy once you get to know him.”

Goddamn it, this is so fucking _hard_. You can’t look at John, you can’t do anything except try and line up the words in your brain in the right order. It’s like one of those shitty puzzles where you have to move the wooden blocks around until you can get the ball to the exit…you can’t seem to find the right combination that will release the words “he’s my boyfriend” from your lips.

“Uh, Dave…”

John puts a hand on your shoulder, and you realize you’re fucking hyperventilating. This is so embarrassing; you want to burrow fuck-deep into the ground and never come back up again. He leaves the hand there until your breathing slows, gently squeezing your shoulder before he moves it back into his lap to start twisting at the hem of his shirt.

“Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer or anything, if you don’t want to.”

You nod, heart beating at a hundred miles an hour somewhere in the vicinity of your throat.

“Are you and Karkat…together? Um, as in…a couple?”

Slowly, carefully, you nod again. It should be a weight off your mind, but instead, you feel like the bottom just dropped out of your stomach.

“Yeah,” you croak. “We are.”

“Oh.”

That’s all he says. His voice has a lighthearted note to it, as if he’s surprised rather than repulsed, but you need more than one syllable to go on. Now that the information is out there, sinking slowly into John’s brain, the floodgates in your own mind burst open.

“’Oh’, John? Is that seriously all you’re gonna say? I mean I’m kinda putting myself out there, bro, and it seems like the news that I’m in love with Karkat probably warrants more than one fucking word.”

John snaps to attention, seemingly reeling his mind in from whatever airheaded dimension it was traversing.

“Oh, shit, sorry. I just sort of zoned out,” He looks guiltily at you with those puppy-dog eyes of his, and your heart twists a little in your chest. “I was just thinking about timeline stuff…it’s not important.”

He smiles, a little uncertain, but with characteristic Egbertian charm.

“What I meant was, I’m happy for you. I mean it. I sort of…guessed something was going on, but I wasn’t sure.”

“Yeah,” you sigh, “That’s real reassuring, John. You sound totally on board.”

You roll your eyes, not sure if he can tell you’re doing it behind the shades. It’s fucking dark anyway, so you slip them up onto your forehead and dab at the moisture that is totally not forming in your eyes.

You don’t look at John. You wonder if you’ll ever be able to look at John without feeling like you’re a fucking disappointment.

His arm slips around you, pulling you into a hug, and you breathe in the scent of soap and sweat and your best friend. He’s stiff, probably a little uncomfortable, but you’ll take it.

“God, Dave, I’m sorry, I really suck at this, don’t I? I mean, I just never really seriously thought of you liking boys, that’s all, but it’s OK if you do, and I mean Karkat’s really awesome.”

He pats your back hesitantly.

“I don’t have a problem with you being gay, Dave.”

Oh, fuck this. You know John’s trying to be nice, but he’s doing a shitty job of it. You shrug his arm away and heave yourself to your feet, leaving him sitting cross-legged and confused on the picnic blanket.

“How open minded of you, John. I'm so glad you don't have a problem. Give yourself a gold star for being so fucking tolerant.”

You freeze time so he can’t catch up with you, and march back toward your apartment with your vision wavering behind a veil of tears.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Gratuitous fluff


	4. Chapter 4

Karkat’s hands in your hair have always been the best thing for smoothing away your stress. He breathes with you, slow and even, as he waits for you to explain what John did…or what you did…you’re not sure. One or both of you managed to royally fuck things up, and now you’re lying slumped over in your boyfriend’s lap with lump in your throat the size of Texas.

John saw you cry. You’re not sure why, but that feels like the worst part of the whole fiasco. No-one has ever seen you break down except Karkat …and when you were very small, Bro. Dirk too, you suppose, but there weren’t really any tears involved. Now you have to add the name ‘John Egbert’ to the gold-embossed scroll of people privileged with the information that Dave Strider is a complete and utter emotional wreck. You sniff and bury your face into Karkat’s leg. You’re smearing snot all over him, but you know he doesn’t care. Sure, he’ll probably bitch about it later, but he’ll do it with a smile in his eyes.

“Are you ready to talk about it?”

Karkat’s voice rumbles soothingly through his whole body, sending vibrations into the squishy part of your cheek. He still smells a little like grass and pine needles, a little like the disgusting cinnamon tea he likes. Yeah…with Karkat here, you’re ready.

Sitting up on the couch, you glance around at the junk cluttering your little semi-circular living room. It’s a mixture of yours and Dirk’s stuff, with your decks and his workbench at one end of the room and a copy of the meteor’s old couch at the other. You and Dirk strung fairy lights back and forth across the ceiling in lieu of working out any kind of proper lighting, and you like it just fine. Like the stars in your bedroom, it's yet another way in which this new place is different from your old apartment. Better, you think, even though it’s inside a giant can. Karkat’s face is perfect in the soft glow, his chin tilted up as he waits patiently for you to speak.

“I dunno, man,” you begin, letting your mind wander back to your conversation with John. “He wasn’t, like, judgy or anything…I mean, he was supportive…sort of. He was trying, anyway.”

Karkat nods, but he’s still waiting. You guess you _did_ burst in with tears streaming down your face. Poor Dirk had taken one look at your expression and noped out with an apologetic salute, abandoning his robotics in an uncharacteristically messy heap. He’d muttered something about finding out how Roxy’s date had gone, and shot out of the door like a startled cat. A few seconds later, the door had reopened and a spiky head peered nervously around it.

“If you need me to knock some sense into Egbert, just say the word, bro.”

Even through your tears, you’d laughed. Dirk had smiled and slipped silently away.

Karkat takes your hand and squeezes it.

“Dave…” His voice is soft with concern, and you don’t want to start the waterworks again. You cut Karkat off before he can start being all caring and sweet.

“Look, this is gonna sound weird, OK? It’s gotta be the most fucked-up coming-out problem in the history of Paradox Space…but I’m pretty sure John’s worried he somehow ‘turned me gay’ with all of his stupid timeline fuckery.”

Karkat looks at you as if you’ve grown a second head.

“What? Did the Empress scramble his pitiful excuse for a think-sponge while they were fighting? Even for Egbert that’s moronic.”

You nod. It is stupid. It’s downright idiotic for John to think he could affect something as fundamental as your sexuality by leaving notes and punching Vriska in the face. Whether you realized it or not, in every instance of your existence you were attracted to both genders. And yet…in all of the doomed timelines crowding the back of your brain, there’s a constant: you never managed more than a close friendship with Karkat.

Every other version of you spent a frustrating three years on the meteor, pulling Karkat closer with one hand while pushing him away with the other. So many lives spent with a tight, heavy lid on the pain in your heart and a pair of shades glued to your face. So much time wasted because you couldn’t get past your own issues. In every one of them, there was a Karkat with sad, angry eyes who could never hope to understand.

You wonder if that’s what Terezi saw when she sent John off into the backstage area between the timelines, if she saw the two of you dancing the feelings fandango around one another until one or both of you were exhausted. You’ve never quite been sure if you ending up with Karkat had been one of the goals of her continuity editing or an unexpected side effect. She just grinned and commented that you tasted even redder than usual when you asked her about it.

Even with the cobweb-memories of other lives clinging to your soul, your own timeline shines through like a supernova. It’s the one where you set all of your bullshit aside for a chance at something wonderful. The one where you realized that you’d do anything to be with the person who showed you that you had a heart to give in the first place. Thanks to John’s interference you were able to love, and be loved.

Karkat knows it too, lived it too, and he says what you’re thinking.

“He gave us our chance, though, didn’t he?”

“Yeah.”

Well, now you feel like an ass for leaving John all alone in the forest. Your hand hurts a little where Karkat has been gripping it too tightly, and you realize the emotional theatrics have taken their toll on him too. Given the way he used to react when Vriska got on your case, you imagine he’s suppressing a pretty strong urge to seek out Egbert and claw his face off. Regardless of who was really to blame for your little breakdown (you’re beginning to think it’s neither or possibly both of you), you came home and cried into his lap for a good half-hour. You probably sent Karkat’s pale instincts into overdrive the minute you walked through the door.

Karkat doesn’t resist when you pull him into your arms and begin rubbing circles into his lower back the way he likes. Underneath the calm exterior he’s as taut as a bowstring, keyed up to send an undeserved arrow-full of whoopass John’s way.

“I’m fine, Karkat. I promise.”

He grumbles an assent, face pressed deep into your shoulder. You kiss him just behind the ear and feel the little shiver that always causes (he’s sensitive there), your hands running up and down his back to stroke the ridges of his ribs through his shirt.

“I love you, man.”

Sometimes you just need to say it, because saying it makes you happy. This is one of those times. His reply is muffled because he’s leaning flush against you now, purring gently as you stroke his tension away. You don’t need to hear the words to know he loves you too.

You’re drifting contentedly when you hear someone knock gingerly on the apartment door, and it doesn’t take a Seer of Mind to know who’s going to be waiting on the other side when you open it. John looks surprised; you’re not sure if he was even expecting anyone to answer the door.

“Hey.”

It’s not much, but it’s about all you can manage. Your face might be calm, but your stomach is doing acrobatic pirouettes again. John takes one look at the strained little half-smile on your face and throws himself at you in a tangle of limbs and hair and glasses. He hugs without finesse, but more than makes up for it with enthusiasm. You’d give it a strong 9.0.

“I’m sorry, Dave!”

You hug him back, blowing strands of wiry black hair out of your nose as you do so. Egbert hugs have been fairly common over the past week, and you end up with some of his hair in your face-holes every damn time.

“Dude, it’s fine. We both made a kind of a mess of it, OK? It doesn’t matter.”

“OK.”

You feel John nod, before he pats you gently on the back. Hug time must be over.

“Umm...Hi, Karkat.”

A glance at Karkat’s darkening face reveals he’s intensely uncomfortable, probably because John is looking at him a little too intently. No doubt it’ll be up to you to teach John the etiquette of not being weird around the two of you, but now is not the time. You tug his sleeve, opening the door so that you can lead him back outside.

“C’mon John, if we’re gonna have a manly talk about feelings then we gotta do it right.”

He follows you up the curving stairway around the outside of the can, joining you when you sit down at the edge that faces out toward the rest of your little city. It’s easy to feel like a kid again with your feet dangling over the edge and the wind playing with your hair.

“I’m sorry for before," he says, the words tumbling out in an awkward rush of sound, "I didn’t want you to think that I’m upset or anything dumb like that, I mean, it’s not really any of my business and I _am_ happy for you and Karkat, I promise…”

“John, chill. It’s fine.”

John looks uncomfortable again, but this time, you’re calm. This time, you actually know what to say.

“Look, man, I know you’re worried about whether the timeline whack-a-mole you pulled had an effect on me, OK?”

John’s eyebrow’s jump, and you can see him lining up a string of excuses. You put up a hand to stop him.

“I just wanted to say that, y’know, the way I am now? That’s how I’ve always been. I was into Karkat in every timeline on the menu, but the one you used your zappy powers on was the only one where I actually got to make it happen.”

“Oh,” John’s nose scrunches a little as he mulls the information over. “Well, that’s pretty cool, I guess.”

A big, goofy grin is spreading over John’s face now, and you’ve never been happier to see him smile.

“Yeah, it is. I mean I owe you and TZ big time, because let me tell you, it’s the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Karkat is…” you pause, looking out over the lights of New Can Town. There are still too few to block out the starlight, and you’re struck again by how alien the sky looks. You kinda like it.

“Karkat is the best person I’ve ever met. I dunno how else to put it. Like, he cares about stuff, about people, more than I would have thought anyone could. He just...made me realize that the vast majority what I thought about myself, who I thought I was, was a colossal load of repressed horseshit, and that I didn't need to care about any of it. I could be whoever the hell I wanted to be. I could be who I actually _am_ , y'know?”

John nods, looking thoughtful again, and you know he probably doesn’t get half of what you just said. You’ll explain properly some other time, but he seems to understand the overall message.

“That’s so sweet, Dave,” he says, grinning, and you return the elbow-jab he lands in your side. He turns serious again, catching your eye properly, and you realize this has to be the longest period of time he’s ever seen you without your shades on.

“You really love him, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I really do. Really really. And I don’t quote Shrek lightly, John.”

“You’re an idiot,” John snorts, and you can feel the embers of your old, easy friendship glowing. Maybe building it back up to what it was won’t be so hard, after all.

“Soooo…” that grin is turning devilish now, and you don’t like where this is going. “Is Karkat a good kisser?”

“Is my Mom?” you ask, your mouth getting ahead of your brain, as always. “No, wait, fuck, don’t answer that.”

Both of you are laughing, carried away by the absurdity of this whole situation, when you hear a shout from the darkness below you.

“HEY, NERDS!”

It’s Terezi, her red glasses catching the light from Roxy and Rose's ground floor apartment.

“What do _you_ want?” Egbert yells, a little too loud and a little too quickly.

“WE’RE HAVING A BONFIRE AT THE SNARK TANK, GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE OR I’LL LICK ALL THE FOOD BEFORE YOU GET THERE.”

John makes a face as Terezi takes off at a run, cackling as she disappears into the darkness with a grace only a blind girl could muster.

“Gross.”

For once, you decide to keep your trap shut. As fun as it would be to rib on John about his blatant black-flirtation with Terezi, now’s probably not the time.

“Let’s grab Karkat and head out. I prefer my hot dogs without a side of troll saliva, if possible.”

_________________

The walk down to the shore is a little awkward, but you’re determined to hold Karkat’s hand. John lets out the loudest, most unwelcome “D’awww” you’ve ever heard when he notices, and Karkat almost tugs his hand away so he can cover his face.

Predictably, you’re the last to arrive. A fire is raging, encircled by a ring of stones, and Terezi is merrily charring some hapless piece of meat to within an inch of its life. When you and Karkat step into the light, a cheer goes up from Roxy, Rose and Callie, all of whom spot your clasped hands immediately.

“Fuck all of you,” Karkat mutters, blushing harder at the sensation of everyone staring at him. If he thought that cheer was embarrassing, it’s nothing compared to the one you get when you tilt his chin up and kiss him on the mouth.

Karkat grumbles about it later, but you’ve watched 'Never Been Kissed' enough times to know that you proudly kissing him in front everyone is pretty much his dream-come-true. As he sits happily next to you for the rest of the evening, fingers tangled with yours even as you eat and drink, you vow to make a start on the rest of his dreams.

If anyone deserves that, it’s Karkat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of the lovely comments! I'm trying to get around to replying to them all, but don't let that stop you from reading more ;)
> 
> The living arrangements aren't permanent, but Roxy and Dirk really wanted to spend time with their siblings, and Karkat and Kanaya wanted to keep an eye on Terezi. Also, after the meteor, It's nice to have a bit of space. 
> 
> They and their partners are always sleeping over in each other's beds. Kanaya and Dave are awfully clingy sleepers.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and if you want more Davekat, I recommend you visit Polyglotplatypus' amazing [comic](http://mspfanventures.com/?s=13761&p=1)


End file.
